An important practice that will help us achieve harmony in our universe is setting and understanding boundaries. Sometimes we so badly want others to like us that we say “yes” whenever we’re asked for a favor or asked to do something, even though our core selves do not want to.
An important practice that will help us achieve harmony in our universe is setting and understanding boundaries. Sometimes we so badly want others to like us that we say “yes” whenever we’re asked for a favor or asked to do something, even though our core selves do not want to. The “yes” is driven by our ego’s need to be liked and loved, while deep down we know that the request is not in alignment with what’s best for us.
When setting a boundary, it’s important to realize that it’s an act of self-love—without self-love we have nothing. I don’t care how nice you are or how much you give, if you don’t honor your first principal—you—then your ship is sunk. We must honor others’ boundaries as well, especially when we expect them to honor ours. It’s equally important to be clear, truthful and compassionate when communicating your boundaries and reasons for them to others.
Setting a boundary is truly showing both yourself and your loved ones a grand act of love. By honoring yourself, you allow others to grow while showing that you care. Knowing others’ limits as well as your own is in itself powerful and moving—it empowers you to respect your core values and hold up those of another, and reveals a lot about your character. Over time, the “no’s” you both say and hear will no longer seem like a rejection but rather a validation of love. You will see “no” and “yes” as forms of truth, because they are simply ways we communicate our needs effectively and honestly. I truly believe that the value of one man’s truth is the value of the soul.
When you lie to yourself, you lose a piece of your soul. Why risk losing your soul when all you have to do is be clear within? People are not clear to themselves and others when they’re trying to avoid confrontation, ridicule, rejection or feeling bad. Here’s the catch—when you do something you don’t like or want to do, later on, you will complain to yourself and others about it and possibly act out. Then you end up feeling terrible, which was the very thing you were trying to avoid. It becomes your own self-fulfilling prophecy. What a waste of a merry-go-round ride!
It’s time to get off that ride and look for the truth within. Why are you so afraid to say what you feel is right for you? What do you think will happen if you do—are you afraid you will not be liked and may end up abandoned or alone? It’s actually the opposite—you will be honored for you, by you and your soul, for loving yourself and loving life. Being an enabler actually sucks away someone’s power. You’re silently letting them know that they can’t grow without you and that you can’t grow without them. It limits your very being and holds you back from completing your path in life.
Start setting boundaries now and become aware of those of the people in your life. Start small—simply check in with your inner gauge to make sure you’re being true to yourself whenever you’re asked to do something. Make a mental note or write down which boundaries you need to set to honor yourself and be happy and free. If you start to work on truly understanding this, with time, you will increase your love for yourself and the world we live in.
If you have been following the lessons every other week you should notice a huge change in your life already occurring. When you think about your life and the people in it, you will see a myriad of reflections that is you. You will gain a deeper knowing about yourself through others. We are all on this journey—don’t feel intimidated because there are people like the Dalai Lama or Sai Baba in our midst—we all are here to grow. Whenever you feel alone, remember that you are not and let that feeling go.